Building Relationships

Building Relationships

This is my fourth year teaching kindergarten and it has been one interesting year. In case you have never taught kindergarten, these students come to school with very different prior experiences. Some students attended some type of schooling such as daycare, preschool, and/ or TK. Some students stayed at home with a parent or guardian. These experiences make a huge impact on how they deal with attending kindergarten. This year, I discovered that most of my class did not have any prior school experience and lacked basic skills. They did not know how to hold a pencil, use scissors, write their name, and/ or communicate their needs with others. The beginning of the year was a challenge for me. I began to feel frustrated when they could not complete simple tasks on their own. I had to stop, change my mindset, and seek resources for guidance. I needed help with connecting with my students because they were afraid of me, did not trust me, and did not like me.

Building a trusting relationship

August in kindergarten was rough. I had students running, crying, pouting, and screaming that they were hungry and/ or wanted to go home. I even had one student cry in Spanish, “I can’t be here! I have to go home! I need to see my dog!” It wasn’t just for 5 or 10 minutes, this went on ALL DAY LONG! From start to finish. I left every day with a headache. I had to remind myself that most of these students have not been away from home and are scared of me because I am a stranger that their parents dropped them off with. I follow many teachers on Pinterest and Instagram. One teacher posted about how she built relationships with her students. She explained that she told them that they were not placed in her class, she chose them. She stated that she told her students how special they were and when she saw a picture of them, she told the office staff that they had to be in her class and that she loved each one of them. This is how she laid down the foundation for her students. I decided to try it out with my students this year.

How to begin?

The first few weeks are focused on getting the students to survive each day, understand routines and procedures, and go home happy. When they began to show that they were adjusting, I told my students how much I loved each one of them and how special they are. I said something special about each student. I then told them that they were not given to me, I chose them. I saw their picture in their file and asked them to be in my class. I could not believe how wide their eyes got and how big their smiles were. Their reactions made me wonder how often they heard stuff like that. This began to build the road to a trusting and loving relationship. Kindergarteners want to please adults in their life, they don’t know any different. I remind them often of how much I love them and want them in my class. I have a morning greeting outside my door where students chose how to say hello to me. I love when they chose the hug greeting because it shows they feel safe with me. I also tell them that when they are absent, I get sad because I missed them. Today, when students return from an absence, they will ask if I was sad that they were gone. They like it when I tell them I was. Once trust and love are built, behavior concerns are minimal and academics will start to grow.

Benefits from building trusting relationships

I love the quote, “You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.” This quote rings true in education, especially in kindergarten. Once these students felt loved and cared for, the behavior concerns started to lessen. Aside from the few students that we get every year, but there is always more behind it. I reminded students that even though they may not know something now, with time and practice they will get it. I love the phrase, “I don’t know it, yet.” I encourage them that every day we learn something new and it is okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I constantly call out my mistakes so that they see that everyone, including adults make mistakes too.  We set academic and behavior goals. Once a student meets a goal, I shower them with praise and special treats. If a student misses a goal, I remind them of how far they have come and that it’s okay to need more time to learn. Since implementing my new strategies, many of my students have grown so much in their academics. They want to show they can do it because they feel loved and cared for. Behavior issues have fallen because I communicate how it makes me feel when they do not follow our expectations. There are good days and bad days, but with these new methods in place, the good outweighs the bad. I am looking forward to the end of the year to see how much they have grown.

Sincerely,

Maricella Mesa