Changing Our Perspective

Last weekend I attended the California Kindergarten Conference in Santa Clara with some of my colleagues.  The keynote speaker was an educational consultant (and current social skills teacher to young students in a public school) by the name of Dan St. Romain. I had never heard of him before, and it's too bad because he put into concise words the behavior crisis many of us in education have been feeling in our classrooms.  I had an Ah-Ha moment...

Raise your hand if you've ever said, "the kids are different these days!"  Guilty as charged. It's a true statement, but many of us shrug it off as if there are limited things we can do to affect positive change or better yet, blame the parents and roll our eyes while still feeling stuck in a rut.  Most of us are stuck in that rut-the rut of the compliance-based discipline approach of yesteryear.

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.  

Times have changed.

Most people will discipline their children/students as they were disciplined, and for many that is using a compliance-based system ("do it because I told you to do it"). Mr. St. Romain (you have to say his name in a gentlemanly southern drawl) simply and effectively explained that kids have changed because times have changed. He had us list some our childhood role models, such as the Cleavers, the Waltons, the Bradys, the Cosbys. Then we discussed who our children see in the 24-hour daily news cycle and the over-exposed pop culture media.  These examples made me cringe: the Real Housewives, the Kardashians, Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, Honey Boo Boo.  I cringed because I, too, have fallen into trap of being entertained (although often disgusted) at some of the outrageous behavior for which these reality stars get lots of attention (and money).  The difference is is that I am an adult with my morals and principals grounded.  I can observe this behavior but distance myself from it in my real life. Our children are desensitized to this behavior because it is normalized and often idolized in our society and for them it becomes internalized.

You see, my ah-ha moment wasn't that times have changed. I knew that. My ah-ha moment was seeing how times have changed-all written down: social media, instant gratification, screen time, access to health care, nutrition, participation trophies, numbness to violence, family dynamics, domestic violence, academic expectations,  and packed schedules...just to name a few.  These are the changed concepts we are up against. Compliance-based discipline still works...for the kids who rarely misbehave. But each year, we are graced with more and more of those children who come to us adversely affected by these changes, and they can turn our classroom into chaos.

Mr. St. Romain does not believe understanding the misbehavior is excusing it. But if we Gen X-ers, Boomers, and Millennials can shift our perspective and accept that times are different (not just acknowledge it), we can better develop and implement strategies for long-term behavioral change. If you would like to learn more about this dynamic speaker, check out his website at danstromain.com

Happy Teaching!

Erin Grebel